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I just finished changing the oil in my ATV. I farm for a living, and I've seen a lot of crap. There were no less than 6 shields that needed to be removed, just for routine maintenance. Two zerks were pointed toward the interior of the machine. Someone malicious designed this damn thing.

I do it again in another 100 hrs. Yay.

This is not the only machine I've worked on that defies sanity. There are many, many others.


So tonight, I share with you a document I stole from a server somewhere. Few people have shared this document and lived. I cannot share the entire thing for my personal safety and should I turn up dead, understand that this is the cause.



THE RULES OF ENGINEERING

Warning: Under no circumstance can this classified document be shared with civilian personnel, especially mechanics. All hail Grogbart, God of Inconvenience.

Thought for the day: A design that makes mechanics cry is worth your life.

1. Mechanics use their hands, tools and eyes to work on machinery. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES shall a mechanic be allowed all three. They must be forced to choose only one. ANY ENGINEER WHO VIOLATES THIS DOCTRINE SHALL BE BURNED ALIVE AND HIS ASHES SHALL BE BURNED A SECOND TIME AND THEN WE BURN HIS FUCKING NEIGHBOR'S DOG.

2. The use of mixed imperial and metric fasteners is encouraged. Notes in the manual or other indications of what is used where should ideally be avoided.

3. The use of common fastener heads like robertson or philips is fine, but be sure to randomly use torx or hex for no apparent reason once in a while.

4. In fact, you shall be rewarded in Hell if you invent a completely new type of fastener that requires special proprietary tools.




Chilling, I know. This is what the teach engineers in college.
  • Listening to: Mark Petrie
  • Reading: Plans for the Death Star
  • Watching: The end of time.
  • Playing: Tabletop Simulator
  • Eating: Pasta!
  • Drinking: Beer
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February 18
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